Getting Mad


There are only 3 ways I get mad.

1) I get mad at myself for wasting time; doing repetitive mind entrenching that keeps the mind occupied behaviors that could be done by an 8 year old, or by a machine. The key is repetitive. This includes peeling shrimp, peeling peas, sorting books, sorting beads, sorting clothes etc. I will try to avoid this by putting something to read in front of me and focusing more on reading instead of the thing I am doing with my hands. Another aspect of wasting time is engaging in small talk conversation that drains the energy out of my mind. Wasting time is like sitting in a boring class where the teacher rolls on about the one hit wonders of the 90's, where you cannot zone out because the talking is too clear, where you cannot do work because it is unmannerly.

2) I get mad at myself for not being smart enough. This means being told what to do because I wasn't observant enough. This is embarrassing and shows that I wasn't smart enough to know what is going on. Examples are very common: not noticing the apparent clues that shows that this is a 10 item or less express line, not putting the sheets in order face up when specifically asked to.

3) I get mad when others don't understand. The lack of TOM in almost everyone around me is extremely derogatory. I find myself explaining my ideas over and over, to the same person to other people, just because they couldn't understand after the 6th time I have repeated it.

How to revive myself. The main thing is alone time. I follow the rule: "If you get angry, you lose." Mozart heals me in very small time. Taking showers or going for a walk is also beneficial. My writing is at its best at this time too. If you continue to speak to me during these times, beware of an incoming eruption. No I didn't go to the bathroom to pee, I went there to cool down with alone time (and maybe stood in the stall for 15 minutes in the process just so no one could talk to me).

-Kyle - Feb 2013

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